What a girl wants

I want my body back. Pretty peas, with sugar on top. I promise to take care it from now on.

I have come to the realization that my body will never be the same as it was before baby. It's really simply a tiny fact in the scheme of things and I accept that. What I don't accept is how broken I feel. I mean I thought pregnancy was uncomfortable, but now I think I can count my ailments on both hands and probably could continue to my toes. Some are of a private and unnecessary to disclose nature and others are the typical 'my belly is now jelly' type.

Yet, considering that a life is created within your womb and pushed out a very small area tends to remind me that maybe that's why I have ailments that perplex me, birth surely does a wacky number to the female body. I recommend that anyone contemplating babies, make sure they are in excellente health before even attempting it, otherwise you might be broadcasting your aches and pains 11 months later all over the Internet, with absolutely no shame.

Here's my top ten aftermath of childbirth: Which most likely are related, but are in no particular order.

10. Eczema and the inability to wear my wedding or engagement ring
9. No sense of smell (I sure hope the baby doesn't smell)
8. A corn in the same toe on both feet
7. Horrible sciatica down my legs
6. Misaligned back (Yes, that's me walking hunched over)
5. An ever-expanding midsection
4. Loss of memory
3. Unexplained bruises
2. Cracked and dry lips
1. Fill in the blank because it will probably be on my list tomorrow

And I didn't even list the most annoying and painful one of them all. Be thankful I didn't share that one.

Thanks for sympathizing in advance. Lord knows, I need it.